You have value and worth and especially with Nothing Scares Me I’m A Jooper Car Halloween shirt and at 17, it’s easy to doubt yourself. This “friend” did assault you! He doesn’t care about your feelings or your body! It is not “little and stupid” and it doesn’t sound silly! I am so outraged on your behalf. It’s ok for you to have boundaries. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to wait until you feel completely comfortable. It was NOT ok for him to do what he did. And given the amount of trauma you’ve experienced, you might want to consider talking to a therapist if you think that would be helpful for you.
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I was referring to the psychology of a victim—once she has experienced assault, she might start believing her body is worthless and deserves abuse; so in many cases, unfortunately, they will subconsciously develop this “self-punishment” mentality and Nothing Scares Me I’m A Jooper Car Halloween shirt. This is what I meant by abusing your own body. It’s projecting that unfortunate belief onto your own body through an asshole who is willing to recreate that experience. Some victims completely shut down sexually, and some seek out the roughest experiences.